Wednesday, October 10, 2012

An official letter from the hospital. Eeek.

A letter has just arrived. It's the first official communication I've had and it was a bit scary, but also a bit of a relief. This is actually going to happen, and maybe I'll stop wondering now when they're going to call up and say they made a mistake. There's nothing there and we got the wrong scan. Unlikely.

So I have an admission date, which I've accepted, and it's less than two weeks away. Action stations, what do I need to do? I don't think I need to do anything but am fluctuating between panic of oh god, so little time, and jeez so much time how will I entertain myself?

I think confusion is the name of today's dominant emotion.

When I called back to accept the date I found out that I have an admissions appointment on Monday at King's so it's lucky I checked as I didn't know that. It will be good to go in and actually speak to someone as I've not really had any word since the ward round before I left hospital. And I wasn't really in a good frame of mind to be asking questions at that point.

Scary malary though. This really is going to happen. Just can't get my head round it, still in denial.

And with all this going on, I'm still slightly irritated that I'm going to have to move the appointment I made with the carpenter on Monday morning. What is wrong with my brain (not even joking) that I always fixate on the truly unimportant things?

A wobble.

Had another wobble today. After a lively morning of visitors everybody left at once and then I watched a chick flick film, which predictably set me off.

All that kept going round in my head was "I don't want to have an operation". Luckily Oliver came home and snapped me out if it but I guess it's actually a good sign, as well as a bit of a relief, that my denial might finally be crumbling a bit.

I didn't get any sleep last night so I'm sure that didn't help.