Saturday, October 20, 2012

To my sister.

I've tried to keep most personal details of my friends and family out of Henrietta as it doesn't seem fair to drag everyone else out in the open with me, but I think this is called for. Hope you don't mind, Smeggedd.

I just don't understand how my sister does it. She is actually superwoman.

Does anyone else in the world have a birthday book? Yes, a birthday book (I am now relying on most people NOT having a birthday book or this could backfire). Every morning my sister looks in her birthday book to make sure she won't miss any upcoming birthdays of her hundreds of friends.

That would be fine if you had literally nothing else to do (and you had a birthday book). But she does!

Typically she will have spent a good portion of the night with a teething baby, who wakes every hour. She will have got up and made breakfast and got the three year old ready for nursery. Driven her there. Come back, skyped me for a chat, cleaned the house, cooked lunch, picked the three year old back up from nursery and driven them all round to my house - where she'll promptly provide cooked food, two impeccably behaved and turned out children, look after anyone else hanging around with me and then CLEAN the HOUSE.

She'll bring me a hot water bottle on the sofa and tuck me in, she'll entertain EVERYONE while I sleep the afternoon away, oblivious.  And then I'll wake up and she's making tea, organising children and she's called the doctor for my sick note. There's potties and babies and food and general motherhood things to do, and there's all this on top. How?

So then we have tea, for everybody, its just been magicked up. She cleans the whole kitchen, changes the kids to pyjamas, has them in the car and ready to go and I've still not got off the sofa. She drives home then, and puts them to bed (not a five minute job). Maybe then she gets to see her own husband and house and get some time. But she's usually skyping me again by then so it's not likely. Finally she can go to bed and not get any sleep, because the baby is teething all night.

If that was you, would you get up and look in a birthday book?

I have the best sister in the world and it just astounds me what she can do at the best of times. But she always has the capacity to do even more for everyone else. And she always does. Here's to my sister - you're the best, thank you so much xxxx

Mum, Oliver, you would be next but I'm more scared of you so I probably won't.

Thunderbolt of panic.

Ah, and there it is.

Always expected but never anticipated, who knows where it comes from. I made a will today. I've been meaning to for absolutely years and this has just given me the motivation to finally get around to it but it does feel a bit morbid. And it's scary seeing your "last will and testament" bound on a table. Sheesh.

I think that probably didn't help.

But the panic just hit out of the blue. One minute I'm on the sofa, niece playing on the floor, really lovely day and suddenly I'm in tears, imagining I'm dead and everyone's just having to deal with it. It comes on so fast that I couldn't explain it if I wanted to and I have no idea if anyone's even noticed that I'm crying. I'm not even crying for me, it's like it's a film and it's really sad.

All the stuff I've been through and the crap and the misery and the growing up. It would be sad to die now that I'm in this awesome place and not have the opportunity to enjoy it for longer. Now I've finally got here.

I am actually thinking of my life in terms of a film. I should really stop doing that because its the chick flicks making me cry, not reality. It's your fault Kate Hudson.