Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Morning has arrived.

I slept absolutely fine, was woken just before two for my obs which weren't at all intrusive, and was told I'm first on the operating list which is a massive relief for me. I just want this done now, the longer the wait the more my brain thinks and I have reached about saturation point for that now.

So here we are, it's 5:30am and I'm awake. I will be thrown in the shower at 6am with some special stuff I need to use for hygiene and infection prevention, pre surgery. I've also been supplied a gown for surgery, some optional plastic pants (thoughts anyone?) and some stockings. I will look forward to changing back into pyjamas, that will feel like a nice thing to do and a bit of a milestone I think. 

While I'm showering the nurses will change my bed to ensure everything is clean as possible and then this is where I'll be until they come for me between 8am and 8:30am. Olly and mum will hopefully will have made it down to say hello. And goodbye. I feel fine now, like I'm totally ready, but I know when I see them I'll cry. I don't really want to cry as it's pointless and I don't want to cause a fuss and upset everyone else but I can't help it. Always been a cryer it's irritating. Am actually having a little cry now too, just to myself. If this was a film then it would be a good time for a little cry.

For the first time last night I felt brave, but it was still a false feeling as I don't have any choice in this. Anyone in this situation would be doing what I'm doing. But I think it was because I was properly scared last night, such a strange experience. I really don't remember a time I have been truly scared before. Maybe after this I'll be able to watch zombie films with ghosts in. I'll be like whatever - that's not scared, I'm going to get a cup of tea. Hope that happens. (I bet it doesn't though I'll be behind the sofa with a cushion whimpering at triffids).

I'm quite thirsty but obviously can't drink anything now. I am a bit nervous feeling, like before an exam or something but my overwhelming thoughts now are phew. It's nearly over. And there are no more nights to get through.

I can't post this as the magic internet has disappeared. But it is here waiting to be logged.

[Jen wrote that last night and then lost her internet connection so I'm posting it now instead - Oliver]