Monday, October 08, 2012

Late night ramblings.

One funny thing is the way I feel completely outside of real life. Not necessarily in a bad way - just in a parallel kind of way.

Over the weekend I really wasn't looking forward to Monday when everyone would go back to work and college, and I would still be on the sofa. Kind of like everything carrying on without me, and me not having a point or a purpose. But actually Monday was fine. I wasn't bothered about the work I was missing which was a surprise but also a relief. I have let go of it so completely that I wouldn't be able to pick it up now anyway.

But it is odd to think of everyone still carrying on when the course of my life has (temporarily) changed so fundamentally. I think I might come to struggle with it later but now that the surgery date has been brought forward, two weeks does actually seem quite manageable. 

Post surgery of course is a whole different matter as I'll have something to work towards (being better) (and getting back to work). This limbo space is the weird bit, not quite well enough to go to work, or care about work even, but not quite ill enough for time to just pass. Obviously this is manifesting itself by mental head thoughts going round and round and getting all twisted together. I think maybe it's bedtime. 

Busy day tomorrow, visitor fest. Might even manage to have a wash and put some non pyjamas on. Don't count on it yet though.

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