Sunday, October 14, 2012

Still on the hair.

It's been a few days now. Some people I know have seen it, lots of people I don't know have seen it but I'm very aware there is still a bit unveiling to do for most people.

What I wrote last week seems to have been a good talking point so far too, which is interesting. I'm glad I wrote it as that is how I was feeling at the time, but I'm not sure I have quite got my point across yet. Everyone seems to be more worried now about whether I think they'll be telling the truth about whether it looks good or not.

The thing is, I don't really care. It sounds mean, but it's not really what other people think that bothers me. Well, obviously I dont want people to think that I look stupid, but it's not actually my primary concern.

And it isn't that I think people are lying when they say it looks ok, I just think given the context there isn't another choice. I don't think it's untrue, it just doesn't hold much weight.

What is really bothering me about the hair is that I don't feel like me. I don't hate it - I can see that it's not terrible. I just didn't choose this and I would never have chosen this. I don't feel like it represents me and I don't feel like me. 

That's it really.

Well actually there is another element, and it's just the big reveal. I know when everyone has seen it and got used to it it will be just normal again. Hopefully for me too. But until that happens I will need to go through many meetings and many comments and compliments and many conversations about it. Really I wish it was totally invisible, that it wasn't important. But for some reason it is.

At least it's all short term though. Soon everyone will have seen it. In fact soon it will all be shaved off anyway, so actually this is all totally irrelevant.

Brilliant. Have only just realised that. What a waste of agonising.


  1. Have just found out that you're writing this so whilst eating my fish finger sandwich (jealous?!) and watching some awful teenage boys warble and annoying middle aged woman wail on the x-factor I've read through your posts!

    Felt a lot of familiarity when reading your thoughts ... having been on both sides of silly brain issues and life-changing illnesses as both patient and worried family memeber I can definitely say your reactions seem pretty spot on so far!

    I am, of course, always here if you want to rant/whinge/cry/laugh/bitch etc ... let's face it, I deffo owe you from over the years!


  2. Very jealous! How many fish fingers in the sandwich?

    Thanks dude, speak soooon xxx (I very much approve of the name :)

  3. Well I don't think I've known you refer to me as anything else for like the last 15 years???

    4 fish fingers in between bread, butter and ketchup ... followed by a potato waffle sandwich (just butter no ketchup) with a side of potato waffle and bbq sauce ... can you tell I had a hangover?

    1. meeeegggggaaaan yack