Friday, October 19, 2012

Told you so.

This is a weird thing that just is.

I've been getting migraines for years, had my first one at 24 working in Nottingham and I just suddenly couldn't see, it was terrifying. Then I had to lie in a room for three days without the light on trying not to vomit - what is this hell? I couldn't understand what was happening to me.

I hate migraines, they are invisible and almighty. There is just no arguing with the nausea and pain and when it's there it feels like it will never go away. In a migraine I just can't imagine a world where I don't have that pain.

During these episodes over the years I have been known to be melodramatic. Every time, I convince myself there is something really wrong. Something is causing this horrendous head pain and it must be really wrong. There's only one thing it could be - I've got a brain tumour.

I've been saying that for years. I say it to Olly during every migraine and then we both go "naaah don't be ridiculous". I said it to the consultants and clinics I've been to. I've moaned at my family. I think I've even said it to work people.

I don't think I ever really believed it, but during the dark migrainous hours of seemingly endless and unstoppable pain, it has felt like the most obvious thing.

But of course I didn't really believe it (too easy to say that now).

When we were waiting in A&E on that Monday two weeks ago me and Olly talked about the first brain scan. I said I was well pleased. I would finally have categoric and visible proof that I don't have a brain tumour - oh how we laughed.

In the back of my mind there was a little gap though... unless...

Bloody told you so!


  1. aaagh so you think the whole family has an Uma then? one each? .......... unless......

    1. Noooo. I don't think it's been causing the migraines even it just funny I've been saying it for do long. Should be careful what else I say now eh?

    2. But if you all get brain scans I would feel a lot better actually!

  2. Dear Jen, your blog posts are wonderful, so open and thoughtful and intimate, and I just want to give you a huge hug. We are thinking about you lots and lots, and will go on doing so. Not that that helps really. Kep the blog going as much as you can - I think it is interesting how writng actually helps you to find out what you are thinking or feeling. Which is a Good Thing. Jo xxxxxxxxxxx

    1. It does help! Thank you, and I'm glad you like it - lots of love to you all hopefully see you soon xxx