I've made a list.

That's all it needed, a decision and a list. I couldn't sleep again last night as I have been contemplating surgery a bit more - I'm going to write about that separately - but the upshot is that I made a few decisions and that has helped me feel better.

Firstly, I have decided to cut my hair today. I have found pictures that are acceptable. Acceptable. And I have a list of hairdressers to call today to make an appointment. Just a decision in itself has given me something to do today, like a plan. Then I got up this morning and made a list on my work pad. It's great it has like 12 things on it.

So I have a bit of a busy day today and I'm feeling so much stronger and just ready to get on with it. The time has come to start again, I don't think I was wallowing as such, maybe just getting used to things and the new pace my life is taking right now. But I need to be self sufficient and not hanging around all day waiting for mum and Olly to come home. I don't want to be totally dependent on other people's plans, I have to have my own.

Also, yesterday I ordered clothes from Marks and Sparks and they're being delivered today. The impact of new clothes cannot be underestimated. This may even call for a shower (even though I have the best pyjamas on the planet and it's quite hard convincing myself to wear anything else).