Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I have no free will.

The trouble with deciding not to worry is I don't actually have any free will so it isn't something I can control.
[I urge you to watch this, it took me a few goes to get but completely affected me, I loved it. I had always been a spot embarrassed about my taste in music / art / culture (I am not what you might call cool) but this whole lack of free will idea made so much sense to me and took away the responsibility I felt to like what everyone else likes. It was months ago now and I'd forgotten it's impact on me until yesterday, and seems just as appropriate now. This is the second Sam Harris plug I've done but I really recommend watching it.]
Random thoughts are popping into my brain, and it's not me who puts them there. What if this is the last time I can cut up my own food. Jesus. What did you think that for, dude? Stop crying already.

It's getting tedious.

But it's ok, it'll be daylight again in a bit and everyone else will soon wake up. My melodramatic what if's should recede to manageable levels once more as I get embroiled in last minute tasks I've saved up for today, to panic over specially.
  • Pay the outstanding council tax bill. Probably should have fast tracked that one.
  • Cut nails (What if.. SHUT UP BRAIN not listening)
  • Buy dressing gown
  • Pick up latest sick note from the doctor's
  • Tidy bedroom just a little bit as its quite embarrassing and people might see it if I'm away for a while
  • Decide on music and entertainment to take in with me
  • Join library and get audiobooks out
  • Pack hospital bag
  • Practice drums
  • Go to hospital

That's what my today looks like. Might just skip to the drums, that should wake everyone up. I can blame my unsociability on lack of free will.

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